


The Two Penises of Qui-Gon Jinn, or A Match Made In Heaven

by Lilith Sedai (TAFKAB)



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Atypical genitalia, Humor, Intersex, M/M, Other, clueless Jedi masters, compatible genitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11306301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAFKAB/pseuds/Lilith%20Sedai
Summary: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are curiously compatible.  (An old story)





	The Two Penises of Qui-Gon Jinn, or A Match Made In Heaven

"Two penises has Qui-Gon Jinn!" Yoda's cane thumped the floor decisively, echoing throughout the rare treatises archive almost as loudly as his voice.

Obi-Wan Kenobi's head snapped up, eyes wide. But what would he have--

"--two penises for?" Mace Windu sounded dubious.

"Buy the Jedi Masters' Charity Beefcake Calendar you did not?" Yoda yelped with dismay. "Support the Coruscant Orphans' Association, I thought you did. Buy fifty copies did I!"

"That's just because Yarael posed in a thong bikini, and you know it."

Obi-Wan surreptitiously glanced at his things, and at the slim, brown-paper-wrapped calendar that he had as yet not mustered the courage to unwrap. His Master had planned an evening out; Obi-Wan had thought to have a leisurely evening unwrapping it, burning pictures of Yarael and Ki Adi Mundi, and... contemplating. Contemplation was a primary facet of the Jedi lifestyle, after all.

"And if you have fifty copies, you have plenty to give me one." There was the sound of a struggle, accompanied by Yoda's dismayed yelping, and then Windu's voice again. "I'll be a son of a Sith. You're right."

Obi-Wan's fingers twitched toward the wrapped calendar, and he snatched them back with great effort. I wonder what in the Sith--

"--he does with the extra?" Mace sounded speculative.

I don't know, but I'd sure like to--

"--find out."

Maybe it's--

"--just his nut-sac."

"Nut-sac look like that, does not. Have a head, it does!" Rattling of paper.

Obi-Wan, sitting at a table concealed among the stacks, had to rap his own knuckles again. He sat on the disobedient hand and struggled to read the page he was supposed to be studying.

"Prehensile, perhaps it is!"

"Well, I guess technically it could be," Windu sounded dubious. "Say, I wonder. Do you suppose--"

\--he can fuck himself with it?

"Put nothing past him, would I."

"Yeah, you're right. He's certainly long enough."

Obi-Wan's hands twitched at that and began to creep across the table. He snatched them back doggedly, beginning to sweat.

"Maybe the women of his subspecies enjoy multiple penetration."

"Have prostates women do not!" Another thump of the cane.

"Have two orifices men do not!" Windu retaliated, a bit nastily.

Have two--

"--_penises_ men do not! Besides, anime George Lucas does not do. Clean family entertainment, we are!"

Obi-Wan stifled a giggle. It was an impasse, all right. He realized he held the calendar in his sweating hands, and made himself put it down.

"Well, not most men, I guess." Mace sounded baffled. "Trust Qui-Gon to be a nonconformist."

"Right, you are."

"That's... some expression on his face."

"The photographer he wanted, I think. Wonder who it was, I do."

Obi-Wan snickered softly. Photography was one of his lesser-known talents, but it was definitely one of the more amusing ones. When Qui-Gon had made him set up his equipment and then snap a picture-- all while blindfolded, under the lame-ass excuse that it was a test of his Jedi abilities-- he'd been sure his Master was going to be in the Beefcake Calendar, but this... this was a little better than he'd expected.

More rattling of paper as the Councilors examined the picture in question. It was very convenient, masking the surreptitious ripping sounds that came from Obi-Wan's table.

Well, what do you know. Obi-Wan giggled softly, tracing a fingertip down the lean lines of Qui-Gon's lounging body. He does have two penises.

"What was that?" Mace sounded alert.

"Sound like a giggle it did."

The Councilors went to investigate, but all they found were some shreds of brown paper and an abandoned book.

Obi-Wan practically skipped down the corridor, beaming. He made a mental note to return to the rare treatises archive next month, when the Jedi Padawans' Charity Beefcake Calendar was released. It would be most amusing to overhear Mace and Yoda's-- and Qui-Gon's-- reaction to the fact that he, Obi-Wan Kenobi, possessed both an anus and a vagina.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a bit of an anachronism, and in today's climate, I'm aware that it may be regarded as odd at best, or insensitive or poorly handled at worst. I regret that.
> 
> However, this fic is nearly 20 years old. In the time when it was written, there were next to no fics about intersex people in fandom or slash. This story didn't arouse much comment other than people looking askance at it. It was regarded as a curiosity, an anomaly, an uninteresting aberration in my TPM fic catalog. Nobody wrote and said they related to it at all. 
> 
> In retrospect that makes me sad, but I hope I was somehow providing SOME kind of non-negative representation for the intersexed fans to relate to in quiet, even if it was not up to modern standards and even if they didn't feel comfortable coming out to say so.


End file.
